I have a ‘first world privilege’ problem: I live in a very comfortable three-story town-house in a city on a lane-way behind shops that face a busy shopping street.   As I parked my bike when I saw the open-house sign 12 years ago, I said to myself “who would live in a laneway?” That thought was overshadowed by the actual space and the fact that on the main living level, two balconies, front and back, each looked out on trees. For years, I felt I was living in a tree house. It fed my soul.

Until October 24th last year. I heard noise in the lane around 8 am and stepped onto the balcony to see a series of trucks from a tree company. The tree across the lane at the front of the house came down that day. I am still grieving. It has been like a death. So much so, that it has completely changed the way I feel about living where we are.

On a recent two-day retreat  surround by natural beauty – I shared my sadness and anger around the death of the tree with my spiritual director. She listened. I felt taken seriously.  She suggested I create a ritual to acknowledge and grieve the loss of the tree. I have done this by engaging in ‘guerrilla gardening’. This is when one plants things in vacant patches of earth that might not technically belong to them. On a narrow strip between two concrete slabs across the lane, I have planted two Virginia Creepers – fast growing vines to cover the iron and wood structure that we now constantly face. The vine is growing and will ultimately provide something green to look at. Apparently in 20 years it will have taken over everything across the lane and we will face a sea of green. However, It will never give us the shade or replace the tree – and I do not expect that I will be here in twenty years.

My Spiritual director also invited me to find a source of AWE every day – so when I can I go to a local park at the edge of a river valley, and look up at the many magnificent trees. Sometimes I visit the animals at a nearby city park– nothing like baby goats and sheep in the middle of downtown Toronto to engender a sense of Awe. Or sometimes I might remember to look up instead of down as I move about, and  see the beauty in the ‘ordinary’ of tree and sky.

Not a bad idea.